When you find yourself sitting on the couch absolutely glued to the TV watching Super Nanny.......not because you can't believe how some children act.....but more like you are trying to gain any useful tips to help you "get through" the day........feeling like this could very well be your own family on tv is......well it just isn't good. To say I am struggling with the kids would be an understatement. I am tired and drained and feel very overwhelmed. I love my kids and they are my world. But right now I am just wondering if we are in fact doing the right thing.
The reason we first talked about homeschooling was so Jac(dc #2) would not have to attend full time K. I felt and still feel an 8hr day away from home is too much for a 5 year old. Then Paul and I talked and we really felt led to homeschool because we wanted the kids to really have strong character, know right from wrong and have a personal relationship with Christ to guide them in their life. We never said we would homeschool forever. We felt we would take it one year at a time.
Now here I sit, curriculum bought wondering if I should just send them to public school. I feel like we dropped the ball on the girls. The things that were so important to us fell by the wayside and we were just trying to "get through" our days.
I had dreams of our kids getting along, enjoying each others company and us all having this great adventure in life. Nope. Our days are filled with bickering, griping, complaining and that's just from Paul and I. :0) JK. It's not that way all the time but it just feels like it at time.
Part of me really wants to make this work and another part of me wants to take what I feel is the easy way out. (Not that sending your children to public school is taking the easy way out. But for our season of life right now I feel God pushing me to do something I just don't want to therefor I would be taking the easy way out.)
I am tired, my clothes don't fit, my kids wear me out, money is tight and I feel stuck in a rut. More than anything I lack discipline BIG TIME. The sad thing is most of these things would go away if I could get my act together. Could it be because I am trying to handle things all on my own. I haven't been to church in 10 weeks (we are keeping P home until around 12 weeks due to him being a premie) but that's no excuse for not cracking open my bible.
I guess I am writing thise because maybe seeing all this in type will help me to realize what the problems really are. Please pray for me that .......honestly I don't even know what exactly to pray for. I am just tired of "getting through". I want more for me and I want more for my family. Maybe God is putting little thorns in my test so I can focs on what my priorities should be rather than what they are.
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Hi and welcome to my blog where I try to find a little bit of peace among the crazy chaos I call my life. It can be a wild ride but it is worth every single second!
9 comments:
Hi Heidi--your post struck a chord with me. I have felt like that many times. It's hard to be a mom, wife, homeschooler, and have time to take care of yourself. I've gained twenty pounds in the last two years and suffer from feet problems (plantar fascitis) that make a lot of things hard. I know if I lost the weight and did my foot therapy I could probably be fine but honestly who has time???? I only have three kids, one of which is very strong-willed and has other sensory issues that make some days incredibly challenging. I can only imagine how hard it is with 5 children, one of them being a new baby and a preemie at that! I'm not sure how old he is but I assume less than 2 months, you are probably still going through hormonal changes that can cause you to feel the way you do now. Coupled with lack of sleep, lack of time to go to church and be fed, the school year looming, it's no wonder you feel like you do. My encouragement to you would be to not be so hard on yourself. Pray and ask God for wisdom with your kids for discipline as well as school. Maybe wait to start school until you feel ready and in the meantime work on getting them in shape. Whenever I have had behavior problems with my kids and feel at a loss as to what to do I pray and God has often given me some ideas. Let me share a verse with you that has helped me during a stretch of bad days recently--"But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper." Psalm 146:5. When I reflected on that and thought about who the God of Israel was and what He did--He miraculously lead them out of Egypt, provided their daily bread, lead them by a pillar of cloud and of fire, brought them into the promised land, chastised them, and went out before them conquering. This God is YOUR HELPER! He's on your team and wants to help you through this. That could mean putting them in school for this season or forever but it may also mean that He will give you strength, wisdom, and discipline to keep them at home. Be encouraged, you are not the only one who feels this way! Make a list and cross some things off, you'll feel better :0).
Tiffany
Heidi, I second what Tiffany said! Hang in there, girl! Know that everything you're going through is meant to drive you to God. He will always create situations that force us to look to Him, and to lean on Him and Him alone. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
2 Peter 1:2-4 says "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."
I have found that when things get like this in our house (and they do!) that we have gotten into a negative cycle. It takes a concious effort for me to be the adult (not fair! LOL) and to turn things around by pointing the way to Jesus Christ through my attitude and my words.
I know time is precious, but I HIGHLY reccommend "Don't make me count to three!" by Ginger Plowman. Very practical, and gave me the exact steps that I needed to get to the heart issues with my kids. We've seen change!
I'll be praying...
5 kids,especially a new baby to boot, is rough. [I'm there too--we just added a special needs foster baby (2 mo) to our home--making us a family of 7.]
Can you get a break? Just a couple hours?
Don't make a life changing decision without having had a chance to get a breather first. I make knee-jerk decisions when I'm exhausted that I otherwise wouldn't have done.
When you do get a couple hours off don't feel guilty and run home quickly--stop off at the library to read a book, go sit down at Starbucks for a cupa, or stop over at B&N to look at some books.
Do something for yourself, everyday. Take care of yourself first. The whole family depends on you, so you have to take care of you, or they're draine you dry.
A couple things I've done for me.
1. hire a cleaning lady.
2. started shopping for Christmas early
3. take a mandatory afternoon "quiet time"
4. slowly drink a cupa coffe 1st thing in the a.m. before fixing breakfast.
5. set times for meals, kitchen closed inbetween times.
6. take a walk, with the kids, daily. Let them ride their bikes, relax if they get out of site--as long as they stick together.
7. get myself ready for my day before I tackle the littles.
8. let them re-wear clothing--it's just going to get dirty anyway. And so what if they're going "commando" beneath it all. That's less to wash. :)
Praying for you today. Praying for a break for you (and me!).
God given you so many blessings.
Calico
mom to five kids (8,6,4,2, 2 mo)
Hi Heidi,
I can relate to your post, especially when my youngest was younger. You have just went through a stress-filled time and as you know it is going to take some time to get back to the usual.
You already know that putting your children back in to public school isn't the answer. You have such a great momma heart for your little ones. I believe some "character" issues are simply my children testing me. They are wondering am I still that same mom that loves them so much that I consistently am responding with loving discipline.
Keep yearning for and desiring for a deeper walk with the Lord. He will ALWAYS answer that prayer. I will be praying for you!
Although I hate to go against the medical advice you have been given. As an NICU RN, I think it probably safe to take your little one out after six weeks of being at home. RSV season is over, and although there are germs, if he stays in his baby carrier with you he is not probably going to get sick. I have never heard of making people stay home with a 34 wker for 12 weeks. Again, pray about it and talk with your husband. Even if you can't take him, could your husband stay home? Or even if you could get out for a little break with some girlfriends. I always feel better after that.
Again, I'm praying for you. You have a lot on your plate. Wow..I admire anyone that has that many children and gets as much done as you do!
Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog. I look forward to being apart of the MFW blogring with you.
{{{{hugs}}}}},
Linda
Heidi,
I haven't read the other comments, but just wanted to encourage you to get a tight grip on God and hold on for the ride! It sounds like you have a lot going on, and although I didn't catch the ages of your children it sounds as though they are all young. Having a lot of little ones around requires a lot of time from Mom, and that's ok. I want to make some suggestions that may help you. You may already be doing some of these things, but these are things that have helped me.
1. When I begin feeling tired, unappreciated, cranky, and feel like I want to cry because it seems I didn't accomplish anything during the day I have to remind myself that I did accomplish something very important...I was a Mom!
2. When I feel what I described above I have to remind myself to get out my Bible and read and pray. Even if I have to go into the Bathroom and lock the door! I've come to realize when I feel that way that I'm putting myself in the center of my thoughts and my world, but God should be at the center. When I finally give up my "control" of my day and ask Him to do it for me and to help me to act and react in a way that pleases Him I find that I have a totally different viewpoint of things. The big key for me is reminding myself to stop feeling bad and choose to do those things I just described.
3. Put those kids to work! If you are like me you are either running around the house like a mad woman all day long trying to clean up everyone's messes only to find that the minute you get one room clean all the other rooms in the house have been simultaneously destroyed ;)....or you feel so bad that the house is a mess that you can't summon the strength or desire to get up and do anything about it. I've learned to put my kids to work and they know they have to do it because there will be consequences if they don't. Sometimes I set a timer (the one on the microwave works great) for 5 minutes and tell them that it's a game to see how many things they can put away before the timer goes off. You can even give a reward...if they get one room clean in the time alloted they get a popcicle or can watch a favorite video or play a favorite game. When they are little it takes time to teach them how to clean up, but I promise that the training pays off.
4. If you have too much going on in your day make a list of all you do and ask your hubby to help you trim down or better schedule what needs to be done. Sometimes their insight will help us to let go of something that is not as important as it once seemed.
5. Do your homeschooling in blocks. By this I mean don't try to do it all at one time. Try to do some lessons while the little ones are napping or playing in a gated area. If your little ones don't like to nap or fuss about napping take them outside and make them play hard so they will be tired enough to take a nap. The sunshine will do wonders for you too, Mom, when you don't feel so good or feel like you are too depressed to do what you know you should.
6. Take time for YOU! If you are like me that is not an easy thing to do, but on the few occasions that I do it I'm amazed at how I am refreshed body and spirit. I don't go shopping, or go to a spa (though that would be nice) since money is tight with us too. This week I'm taking a break by not working in VBS at our church, but my kids are there. I've had 4 hours each morning this week to myself....now I've run errands, done some house cleaning, and spent some time on the internet, but the point is there is no one pulling at me to do something with them or for them and it has refreshed me to just have some solitude. Find some time for yourself...visit with a friend, take a walk and let your dh watch the kids for 30 min., go grocery shopping ALONE, but do something to have some time to yourself.
The last thing I'll say is about the kids getting along with one another. Please don't believe that if you homeschool your children they will always get along well with each other. That is just not true. They are like anyone else and will have times they don't get along. You can begin some character training as part of school to help them to learn how God wants them to live. Each day give them a lesson on something like kindness, service, having a joyful spirit, etc. Tell them what it means to be kind, ask them to tell you if they can think of something they could do for someone else that would be kind, and read them a story book about kindness (check your library). Then give them an assignment...."Today we learned about being kind to others. Just like ______ was kind to _______ in the story we read, God wants us to be kind to others. We can begin by being kind to our Mother and Father or brother/sister. Today I want you to do one kind thing for someone in our family." Take the same approach for service....service ideas would be folding towels and putting them away for Mom, helping a little brother/sister put on their socks or shoes, getting a clean diaper for the baby at changing time, putting away the toys in their room, etc. I have found that with my kids there are two main times they get cranky with each other....when they are tired and when they are bored. Keep them busy, then set aside time for them to rest.
Blessings,
Missy
Heidi. I just said a prayer for you. Don't beat yourself up - you have a newborn...enough said. Take it easy, enjoy your time, don't stress about stuff and know that you are not alone.
Thanks for dropping by my blog - I'll stop by again soon!
Louise
Heidi,
I just read the comment you left on my blog about the day/week you were having. Came over here to read about your day. My Monday this week sounded a lot like your entry for Tuesday. I was in tears all afternoon; seriously ready to toss them in p.s. and send back Year 5 of MFW with a note attached saying "sorry Marie. I'm just a failure!" I didn't do that of course.
Heidi --- you're not a failure yet and neither am I. {hug}
I've had long seasons where the only way I read The Word was to have a daily email that had the scripture for me. I've had seasons where the only prayers were an email prayer that was for parents of autistic kids. And seasons where being stuck inside this house was not fun. oh yeah... I probably had undiagnosed post partum depression in some of that time.
Try to do what is needed to let you get out of the house -- even if it is nothing more than sitting on the front porch for 30 minutes with no one allowed to bother you and nothing to do -- no meals to cook, no children to watch, bring your bible and a short reading plan. Check out biblegateway dot com for some short goal reading plans. Some of them are 60 day goals.
and ditto to what the others have said.
{{{{hug}}}}
--crystal
Heidi,
You asked me about where to find notebooking information. I have a file that you can download for free that has some information that may be helpful to you. It is called "What is Notebooking?" If you look on the right side bar of my blog (http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/smokeybutter ) under the heading called "MY BOOKS" you will find it. Just click on the pink text, and it will open in Adobe Reader. Let me know if you have trouble opening the file, and I will e-mail it to you. Other great resources for notebooking are...
Notebooking Pages (just click on the Notebooking Pages button on my on my blog)....they have some notebooking information and also some free notebooking pages on their site;
Notebooking Nook (http://www.notebookingnook.com/About/index.html).
They also have a yahoo group about notebooking that you may like. Here is the link to that http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NotebookingNook/
They also list some links to other notebooking sites;
Also check out Scrapbooking to Learn (http://scrapbookingtolearn.com/index.html)....they have lots of information and a slide show of notebook pages that were created in a fashion sort of like scrapbooking. These were very inspirational to me. We are not notebooking on that level, but certainly hope to someday.
Check out these posts on my blog for pictures of some of the notebook pages we created this year. (I'm a visual person, so I need to see it to understand it more clearly LOL)
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/smokeybutter/246480/
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/smokeybutter/246464/
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/smokeybutter/331155/
I hope this information helps.
Blessings,
Missy
Heidi,
I just read this entry (2 months after the fact) and am moved to pray for you. Keep going! Days will be like this one, and others will be much better, as you well know.
Stick to what is TRUE. Our feelings are NOT where truth is. Why did you choose to homeschool? Are those reasons still true even though you may feel rotten and your kids may act in rotten ways some days? Yes! Those reasons are still true and are still needed, and YOU are needed as your little ones' precious Mama to teach and train those treasures (as my friend Deb says) so that they will grow up to be responsible, God-fearing adults. No public school teacher, no matter how wonderful, will ever be able to accomplish with your children what you and your husband will. Praise the Lord, your children are home with you, and you are all learning together (as our family is) those important lessons of . . . math? science? No, those lessons of kindness, self-control, honor, gracious speaking, etc.
I'm praying for you.
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